the 'survival mode' of the first year

I was twelve months into being a parent when a friend asked me how it went. I didn't say it was magical or life-changing. I just said, I think we survived. It wasn't until I started talking to other parents that I realized almost everyone feels like the first year is mostly a long, steady climb in the dark.

why it feels like you're always treading water

We spend a lot of time preparing for the birth, but nobody tells you that the first year is essentially a series of shifting goalposts. Just when you figure out the schedule for one stage, the baby hits a milestone or a regression and you're back to square one.

It’s not just the lack of sleep. It’s the constant, low-level worry that you’re doing it wrong because nobody talks about how much of this time is just pure maintenance. You are keeping a tiny human alive, fed, and safe. That is a massive job, even if it feels like you aren't 'achieving' anything else that day.

the truth about the 'six month' milestone

A lot of parents mention that things felt a little bit lighter around six months. For us, that was when the baby started to have a bit more rhythm to their day. They weren't just a potato anymore.

But even then, 'better' doesn't mean 'easy.' It just means you have a little more breathing room to look up from the diaper changes and realize that you have actually been doing a great job this whole time.

you don't have to do it in silence

The reason this feels so lonely is that we all tend to keep the 'nightmare' parts behind closed doors. We post the cute smiles but we don't post the 4am meltdown where we sat on the nursery floor feeling completely defeated.

If you’re currently in the middle of it and you feel like you're just barely keeping your head above water, just know that’s a completely normal way to feel. You’re not doing it wrong. You’re just in the thick of it.

Common questions

is it normal to feel like I’m failing every day?

It is completely normal to feel overwhelmed, but that doesn't mean you're failing. If your baby is fed, cared for, and you're checking in on them, you are succeeding at the most important part of the job.

when should I talk to my pediatrician about my own stress?

If you feel like your anxiety is making it hard to care for yourself or your baby, or if you just aren't feeling like yourself for weeks on end, please reach out to your doctor. They see this every single day and can help you get the support you need.

does the 'survival mode' ever actually end?

It shifts. The needs get less physical and more emotional as they grow. You'll find yourself sleeping more and worrying about different things, but the intensity of that first year does eventually become a memory.